Don’t Drink the Water

Auditions - Nov. 13 - 15, 2022

By Woody Allen

Presented through special arrangement with: Concord Theatricals
Directed by: John Eslick
Produced by: Carla Ames

Stage Manager: Mark Suarez

Costume Designer: Beth Eslick

Audition Dates & Times:

Nov. 13 – 15, 7:30 p.m. at Conejo Players


Jan. 13 – Feb. 4, 2023

Thursday, Friday and Saturday at 8 p.m.

Saturday and Sunday at 2 p.m.

Audition Requirements:

Please arrive early to complete the audition form. Auditions will consist of cold readings, click the Sides button to review prior to your arrival.

For more information:

Contact Carla Ames at [email protected]

Show Synopsis

A cascade of comedy and a solid hit on Broadway, Don’t Drink the Water takes place inside an American embassy behind the Iron Curtain. An American tourist – a caterer by trade – and his wife and daughter rush into the embassy two steps ahead of the police who suspect them of spying and picture-taking. It’s not much of a refuge – the ambassador is absent and his incompetent son, now in charge, has been expelled from a dozen countries and the continent of Africa. Nevertheless, they carefully and frantically plot their escape, and the ambassador’s son and the caterer’s daughter even have time to fall in love.

Character Descriptions

Some actors will play multiple roles

AXEL MAGEE (20s-early 30’s) – An American foreign diplomat who only went into the business due to his father rather than his actual talent in art. His incompetence at his job tends to escalate the situation rather than quell it. He has a tendency to ramble, especially when nervous. He falls in love with Susan during the play.

WALTER HOLLANDER (40’s-50’s) – A caterer from Newark, New Jersey. He is married to Marion and is the father of Susan. A stereotypical obnoxious American tourist. Think George’s dad from Seinfeld on vacation.

MARION HOLLANDER (40’s-50’s) – Walter’s homemaker wife and the mother of Susan. A stereotypical obnoxious American tourist. Think George’s mom from Seinfeld on vacation.

SUSAN HOLLANDER (20’s) – Walter and Marion’s daughter, a free spirit who falls in love with Axel.

FATHER DROBNEY (at least 50’s) – A priest who has been hiding out in the embassy for 6 years, and perhaps has gone slightly bonkers from the experience. He is the narrator of the play and has a love of magic tricks. Actor will be performing a strong amount of physical humor. Accent will be used.

KILROY (20s-30’s) – Ambassador Magee’s toadying assistant who thinks he deserves Axel’s job.

KROJACK (40’s-50’s) – The head of the Communist police who traps the Hollanders in the embassy. Heavy eastern European accent used. Actor will be performing a strong amount of physical humor.

BURNS (30’s-40’s) – Assistant working at the embassy. Clean cut, efficient, organized almost to a fault.

AMBASSADOR MAGEE (40’s-50’s) – Axel’s father who is the ambassador of the unnamed country and the head of the embassy. Actor will be performing a strong amount of physical humor, although the character himself is humorless.

CHEF (age open) – The embassy’s chef, who consistently butts heads with Walter. Strong role for character actor, some physical humor required. Accent will be used.

SULTAN (age open) – Visiting dignitary to the embassy. Bombastic, large presence. Heavy accent used.

SULTAN’S WIFE (age open) – Wife to Sultan of Bashir.

NOVOTNY (age open) – Member of communist police. Heavy eastern European accent used.

COUNTESS BARDONI (age open) – Embassy party attendant.

KASNAR (age open) – Embassy party attendant.

As stated in our Anti-Discrimination Policy, our theatre is welcoming to ALL, including the following: race, color, creed, religion, national origin, sex, marital status, public assistance status, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity, age, family relationship, socio-economic status, or any other status protected by law.

Non-Equity, no pay. You will be required to show proof of your COVID-19 vaccination if you are cast.